It’s been a while since I’ve written any blog posts. I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus because I’ve spent the time focusing on my health and personal growth. After writing in the past on New Year’s “resolutions”, it feels right to build on my standpoint of constant growth by explaining the progress I’ve made over the years. Here are some things I’ve learned to do in my personal and professional life, and some things I know to do that I haven’t quite mastered yet:

The Obvious:

Do your best

Every day, even when I’m feeling tired or jaded, I try to give my best work to the tasks I do. It applies to my personal and professional life. This isn’t just about doing your best with the task at hand, it’s also about setting yourself up for success with the next tasks. It’s a simple directive, but easy to deeply over analyze if you want to. Do your task; but also grow well, plan well, learn well, and maintain balance well.

I’m still working on this one. The reason why is because I’ve learned a lot about myself – how my mind works best, and how I learn best – and I’ve been learning how to adjust my lifestyle, schedule, and support system to make the most of it. For me, personally, I want to work through my own differences between how I function best and how the world/economic systems work, instead of treating those differences like immovable obstacles. Part of doing my best is believing that there’s always a way to improve on my performance, to adapt to difficulties, and to find collaborators who will work with, and make the most of, my own style of thinking instead of against it.

Be honest, but not blunt – unless you need to be

In my experience there is always a more diplomatic way to convey information. Being blunt, and in some cases aggressive, should be reserved for times when the other party chooses to use your polite honesty as a way to ignore what was said completely – and only when the matter is important enough to risk potentially burning bridges. Choosing your battles is as much a part of this process as choosing your words.

Sharing your opinions in an honest but respectful way, can do wonders in cultivating needed change. However, sometimes others do not care about your opinions. Bluntness can oftentimes help convey your own convictions and boundaries, rather than persuade others to change theirs. That has value, as long as you’re also open to the idea you may be wrong.

This is why I always choose polite honesty first, because there’s always a possibility the other party has information that could change my mind. Maybe their critique of me or their expression of their own convictions and boundaries could persuade me to see things differently. Part of honesty is being honest with yourself, and open to other’s bluntness with you when it’s called for.

Prioritize

No mystery with this one. Getting lost in “side quests” can cost you your goals.

The Not-So-Obvious:

The jar of rocks, pebbles, and sand can be improved on – carefully

Many professionals have heard the analogy of the empty jar that needs to be filled with rocks, pebbles, and sand. If you wanted to fill it as full as possible you could start with rocks, then pebbles, then sand. That’s how it’s supposed to go, anyway; but something about that answer has always bothered me.

Maybe it’s because that analogy has been used to convince me to ignore tasks I viewed as a priority. I’d argue it’s more because logically I think it’s a phenomenal analogy that gets told in a way that short-changes managers, employees, and goal-setters. If you really wanted to fill the jar, the best way to do it would be to put a few rocks down, fill the gaps with pebbles, pack that with sand, then repeat the layers. Each day has one to a few large tasks, then there are smaller ones that help fill in the gaps.

I firmly believe that if we put off the small tasks simply because they’re small, we’ll be left with large gaps in our potential and performance. Learning to understand the careful balance between large and small tasks is the best way to make the most of our time and ability. We don’t fill the jar up right away with large stones, we do it in parts and layers.

An example of how I do this is with my email. Let’s say I have a particularly hectic day, and I only have time to read the most important emails and handle them. There will come a time when the tiny emails (the sand), like spam or ads, will need to be sorted and removed, or my email storage will get filled very fast. The mid-priority emails (the pebbles), will eventually need to be responded to and handled or coworkers/friends/family may become upset or lose valuable productive time due to my delay. Instead of pushing off the sand and pebbles until my inbox is full-up or someone loses their patience with me, I take care of them every single day as long as I have time. Most days, I take care of the big emails a little bit, then handle some sand & pebble emails, then I go back and do more stone-sized emails. The jar gets packed as full as possible and my email stays well organized. I used to have the tendency to only focus on stones until the inbox storage was full, and then I lost long days on fixing it and robbed myself of easily obtained mental peace. Filling the jar in layers without losing focus has done me a lot of good for numerous endeavors.

Small bites

I read somewhere that the best way people learn is by learning in very small chunks at a time. 15 min each day, instead of 8 hours + once a week is the quickest way to solidify learning, for example. I try to apply this “small bite” concept to everything from my own lessons, to how I communicate with people.

I’m an over-explainer. I know this, and I know it needs to change. Many people can’t handle too much new information, and instead of helping them understand my perspective I end up overwhelming them, or worse, exhausting them. This is one I’m constantly working on; even while writing this.

As for learning, I try to do small 5-15 minute lessons each day in a topic I’m interested in, for a total of no more than an hour. I’ve learned a lot this way. Tasks can be done this way too as long as they don’t have an upcoming deadline.

Learn your audience

Some people will be details people, some people won’t be. Some people will care about you as a person, and why you do the things you do, and some won’t. Some people will want to know all the possibilities, and some will only want to know the most probable.

I’m still working on learning to gauge what the other person cares about in a conversation. In my professional life, this skill has become increasingly vital to success. One of my goals this year is to become better at succinct communication, and having the patience and wisdom to know that if someone wants details, they’ll ask. In my private life, this means recognizing that if someone doesn’t care enough to ever ask for details, then it may be time to move on and find the people who do care.

The Cynical:

Not everyone cares as much as you might

Professionally, I have the main things I care about: pride in my work, my coworker’s morale and well-being, and the future success of my employer. Personally I have a lot of passions that range in importance. Sometimes it’s hard to know that not everyone cares about the big things as much as I do. On the flip-side, I’m sure I’ve put someone else in that position about their own passions. I can’t change others, I can only change myself and how I respond to things, and focusing on that self-growth has provided me with a lot of peace.

Being skilled, or prepared, sometimes isn’t enough

Life happens. Murphy’s law sometimes wins the day. Everyone has room to grow and learn, and so even someone who has prepared and practiced will eventually meet their match in a situation. Instead of beating myself up about my failures, I try to treat each one as a learning opportunity. Spending my energy learning and growing is a much better use of it, than to spend it having remorse for my failures or bad luck.

Leaders don’t always lead well

Most people have had a moment where a teacher, parent, manager, or other person of authority seemed to make a bad or harmful choice. Not everyone who has responsibilities, or a position of power, is going to be immediately good at it. I’ve learned it’s best to focus on trying to help others grow in their positions than removing them from them. Speaking your mind honestly (as described above) can play a big part in this.

A good example of this is an experience I had with a phlebotomist who removed a needle incorrectly, and gave me a large hematoma. My mother is a nurse who has a talent for safely and painlessly doing that type of work, so I knew the phlebotomist had made a mistake. When I called to report it, I made it clear I just wanted her retrained to prevent other patients from experiencing the same thing. That was back in 2014; I’m pleased to say that she’s still working there today in 2023 and is one of the best phlebotomists at the location. A mistake made is valuable experience that builds an expert. If we constantly force people to start fresh, we’ll always have beginners.

The Hopeful:

Everyone wants to be heard

One of the most basic human wants is to be heard and understood. It’s what drives our relationships and vital connections with one another. It’s a good thing to remember, personally and professionally.

I try to be a good listener in every interaction; and I could stand to improve as a listener. I think if we all listened more it would make us better professionals, better partners, better friends and family members. We can learn a lot from one another if we’re listening, and when we’re equally listened to we gain valuable contributions to our mental health and sometimes build important relationships.

If people know they’re making a difference, they keep doing it

This point isn’t about the people who don’t care; we can’t change them. This point is for the people who care, but have never been made aware of the difference they’re making. I’ve learned that if I want to feel motivated, learning more about why someone’s asked me to complete a task helps me do that. Knowing how I’m contributing to the big picture is a major factor in whether I perform a task well.

I try to take this with me when I write notes or advice for coworkers, or when I take a mentorship role in my personal life. Feeling like they have a purpose often provides enough motivation for someone to complete a task. Additionally, sometimes people just really need the “why”, otherwise it feels like busy-work, or a pointless task.

One person can make a difference

I know this is true because one person made a difference for me. Years ago I was doing very badly at my first university; I was dealing with a mental health crisis and didn’t yet understand the importance of asking for help. I struggled alone by staying at home, missing classes, dropping friendships, and eating only once a week, at the same restaurant. The crew at that hour knew me, and it was clear by looking at me that I wasn’t doing well, but I was always there on Wednesdays. For two months I stopped going, I was reaching the point where existing just didn’t seem worth it, and I stepped out for one more day to go eat at my favorite place. I got in line and the usual girl yelled “You’re okay!!! We were so worried about you when you stopped coming in.” It took everything I had not to burst into tears at the counter. That one girl saved my life; and she didn’t even know it. Because of her, everything I’ve done from that point on has been possible. If my actions have an effect on anything, it can be attributed to her kindness.

One person, one moment, one small action can make all the difference in a million different ways, for a million different people. Ripples outward that affect other things, and so on. I spend every day trying to remember how important that one stranger was to me, so that I remember to be kind, say the nice things when I have a chance, and to do my best in everything I do. It does make a difference.

Happy New Year. I hope you’ll make the most of it.