Tag: Growth

Wasted Interactions, Computers, and Connection

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

We’ve all been there: a romantic relationship ends, a friendship drifts apart, a job role falls out, or even a small conversation with a stranger turns sour and leaves you both feeling a bit bitter. It’s normal to leave those situations thinking “wow, I could’ve been doing something else all that time”. I’ve heard a lot of comments about how the time spent with someone, in a personal or professional relationship that has since ended, was wasted. I learned, some years into college, that there’s a different perspective that fuels self-growth, and left me feeling more accepting and focused on what I could change, rather than wishing I could go back and re-do experiences.

Every interaction teaches us something. That might be our likes/dislikes, what we want to change about ourselves and what we don’t, and how we choose to navigate other interactions in the future. They might teach us patience, adaptability, that we’re not as strong as we thought we were, or that we’re stronger than we thought we were. Even if there may have been a more beneficial interaction that we could have had, doesn’t mean that these interactions we’re having won’t be beneficial to us in another way. It might be in a way we don’t expect, like creating empathy in ourselves that we didn’t have, a greater ability to help others and see their perspective, or improving how we communicate and build our interpersonal skills. These skills are something computers can’t take away from us.

Machines cannot truly understand why people have a viewpoint when it’s based in an emotion. They don’t understand ethics, pain, illness, or disability on a foundational level, in a way a human being would. Computers do not inherently understand how two individuals could have very different energy levels even if their lives were exactly the same in every other way, simply because of their health, perspective, or feelings. Computers do not have the ability to cultivate something that makes us stronger in our humanity: connection. Everything we do is centered around people; we cannot survive without other people. It is my thought that there’s no such thing as a wasted interaction. Our greatest strength as humans is the ability to engage in deeper connections, both good and bad. That other person didn’t waste my time, the only one that can do that is me, by not seizing the opportunity to learn. Every interaction I’ve ever had has taught me something about myself or about life.

Sometimes people in our lives teach us things about ourselves, sometimes they teach us things about the world, even if one of those things is the extent of human cruelty. There are also some interactions that teach us the extent of kindness. The cruelty makes you appreciate the kindness, just like the kindness makes you understand just how cruel someone has to be to say and do certain things. They provide balance and meaning to our lives and the people and things in them. In this age of AI, and what feels like an abundance of human cruelty, I want to make a strong effort to interact with others. I want to utilize my biggest human strength: connection, and learn and grow in that connection. I cannot directly change the world, but I can change myself and my perspective and the contributions I make to it. The more I learn from all the connections, good and bad, the more I can grow and contribute to the good I want to see in the world and in my life. If I’m not utilizing the biggest strength of my own humanity, the part of myself a machine can’t replace, then what the heck am I doing here?

Videogames, Risk, and Growing in Life

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

A video game is a fantastic analogy for life. Anything in life that’s worth doing carries risk, you cannot eliminate it. I play games to relax; when I was younger the uncertainty of how a game was going to turn out intimidated me and stressed me out. I pushed myself to sit through the “long way around” instead of recognizing the resources at my disposal and utilizing them appropriately.

If you’ve seen my YouTube channel you know that I’m a big video gamer. I particularly love RPGs and love the Final Fantasy series; I’ve played a lot of Final Fantasy X (I’ve posted a recent video of the Chocobo Race – <0.0 second time achievement🔗, if you’re interested). When I was a kid, it would take me forever to beat because I’m a completionist, but I also wasn’t good at implementing strategy or going into battles I wasn’t prepared for. My idea of being prepared was being able to completely dominate in that fight with little to no impact on my resources or my character’s health. I’d end the game with full inventory of every item, having used none of them. In short, it was perfectionism to a fault.

As I’ve gotten older I think back to those times: I spent hundreds of hours running my characters through “one-hit” battles playing with one hand while I read a book or ate with the other, and being bored and anxious to switch tasks, doing something that I didn’t necessarily need to do for the sake of reducing risk and resource use. And let’s keep in mind, obviously videogames aren’t real; unless you’re creating professional monetized gaming content, how you play doesn’t affect your real life at all – other than providing entertainment. My approach cost me real time and energy, and I wasn’t utilizing the resources given to me at all, let alone efficiently.

As I’ve gotten older, I recognize the value of diving into risk scenarios in order to gain the benefit instead of spending excess time on preparation. Barry Boehm’s Cost of Change model describes the point at which planning becomes costly. Planning/preparation can cost time, rest, stress, profit etc.. I learned to embrace strategy, assess the scenario and recognize my assets.

Sometimes I realize I’m unprepared, then go back to preparation and try again. Sometimes, the thing I was scared of as a kid happens, and doors become closed to me, or permanent damage is done, but that doesn’t mean that’s the end. There are an infinite number of ways to go through life and to reach your goals. It’s important to note as well that when we avoid risk and using the skills required to navigate it, we lose out on growth.

I’ve grown a lot, as a gamer, a person, and a professional. The patience and persistence that I cultivated in those early years is as strong as ever, but now I combine those skills with strategic approach and a willingness to be uncomfortable and continue grow in all of the roles I take on in life. I look forward to tackling bigger challenges in both the real and virtual worlds.

Comfort Facilitates Productivity

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?
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Discomfort is necessary in order for people to grow and learn; comfort is necessary for healing, and for the longevity required to put that growth to use and encourage more in the future. Sometimes comfort aids productivity and practicality; it’s a great way to reduce the effects of PTSD when everything else around you feels very uncomfortable. My biggest strategies for comfort are integrated into my day-to-day in a way that makes room for the discomfort necessary for growth.

I’d like to focus on what I do on work days, or “productive days” (for when I have planed tasks but no paid work hours). Sources of discomfort that negatively affect my productivity – as someone with chronic physical illness, PTSD, and ADHD – should be quickly dealt with so that I can bring my best self to the proverbial table. I’ve got an arsenal of strategies at hand that will hopefully help some readers with similar problems:

  • Staying hydrated:
    • Filling up multiple, or one large, water bottle(s) first thing in the morning helps conserve dopamine during the day and ensures you’re drinking the best amount of water for your body’s needs.
    • Chew ice. It’s especially nice in a warm environment, or if chewing helps you focus.
  • Gain nourishment:
    • Sometimes cooking is difficult or too time consuming. Eat single ingredients right out of the package, or bulk meal prep on a solid day off and freeze your favorites to be eaten on a rotating basis all month (or longer).
    • If food helps you focus, keep dopamine inducing snacks nearby while you work – like your favorite treat or, my personal favorite, spicy snacks. Nothing helps me focus like a bowl of Fuego Takis, a V8 with Tabasco sauce, chili chocolates, or a spicy jerky stick.
  • Fight fatigue:
    • Whether you’ve got a heart condition, chronic pain, PTSD, ADHD, various forms of narcolepsy, other illness, or you just aren’t able to get as much sleep as your body needs, being able to fight extreme drowsiness is useful when taking a rest isn’t possible. Some of my favorites are also strategies for increasing dopamine to reduce ADHD issues:
      • Spicy foods
      • Scary podcasts/audiobooks (if it doesn’t interfere with your task)
      • Ice cold showers, ice cold foot-baths
      • Self-massage or foot rollers
      • Quick breaks for stretching or calisthenics
      • Wim Hof method breathing
      • Doing a quick walk around the room/up the stairs/around the house/block.
  • Reduce sensory overload or sensitivity:
    • If you tend to itch/hurt/lose focus etc. from certain stimuli or from stress, this is for you. The easiest one: wear something comfortable; how can you focus if the itchy lace from your blouse or your too-tight collar are distracting you?
    • If you’re feeling anxious, try to identify why or if there are things going on making it worse.
      • I like to try changing whether or not music is on or off, the type of music, and the volume.
      • I think about whether my sitting position is giving me pain that I’m consciously ignoring, but I’m sub-consciously being distracted by.
        • Add pillows, sit on the floor, change locations, take a pain-reliever, make sure your physical needs are being met (did you have water? food? sleep?).
      • Maybe you deal with itchy scalp or dry skin, or allergy itch;
        • See if applying a gentle moisturizer/oil, taking a cool shower, wiping with a cool cloth, applying ice, or brushing your hair and pulling/pinning it back help.
        • Wipe out your ears, wash your face, or brush your teeth (or chew something minty) to feel a bit more refreshed.
  • Adjust your momentum flow:
    • Sometimes, the greatest tool at our disposal is our own inner momentum. I keep my daily momentum by adjusting my schedule to suit my brain.
      • You’ll have to find your own schedule but here’s one of my options depending on the day/my needs: I wake up early enough to get showered/eat breakfast/feel awake, partly because this gives me time before work to complete an errand. I don’t clean on the weekends, I use the early morning time to start with a cleaning task, and spread them out across the weekday mornings.
        • This starts my day with high momentum and lets me decrease it slowly throughout the day. I spend the rest of the day completing work or self-improvement tasks, then I can wind down into personal time and resting. This means I don’t have to deal with the difficulty of transitioning from a high momentum task (like showering, which uses a lot of spoons for me), to a lower momentum, then back to a high momentum like cleaning.
  • Increase your confidence:
    • A high level of confidence can greatly improve your comfort and willingness to try something new, meet new people, speak publicly, or tackle a difficult task. One of the ways I improved my own confidence was to build a wardrobe that made me more comfortable and confident.
      • Find out what clothes you feel more confident in, and then identify what’s stopping you from wearing them. For example, I love skirts, but I hate the limitations in sitting and movement if I want to meet the level of modesty and professionalism I personally prefer to have, and dislike not having pockets. Instead of just not wearing them, I wear tennis/bike shorts with large pockets underneath.

Ultimately, what works for one person may not work for everyone. In fact, what works for me, might have the opposite effect for you. My hope is that this list sparks your own ideas and helps guide others to incorporating the type of comfort into your life that helps you be the best you can be. Good luck!

Guide and Grow

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What are you passionate about?
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I have many passions in life: hobbies I love, people I care about, and mindsets I try to maintain. All of those passions boil down to one thing: growth. In every situation and interaction there are opportunities to grow. I’m passionate about mine and other’s growth.

Each day, I think about what I did that I’m proud of, and what I could have improved; if I can manage to do better going forward, I’ll feel accomplished. The thermometer for success in my own life has always been growth. If life ceases to be challenging, or provide opportunities for improvement, I’ll know I need to make some changes in order to continue my own growth.

I cannot force others to believe they have room for growth, or make space in their lives for it. I can help facilitate growth when I’m given the opportunity to. When others ask for feedback, I do my best to support their personal level of growth, not an immediate jump to an ideal they may, or may not, be ready for. Even in this task, I’m still growing and learning more gentle and effective approaches for providing guidance.

The prospect of my own or other’s growth, and having the privilege to witness or experience it, is what gets me out of bed. People never stop growing, and the prospect of that is truly something to look forward to.

Learning to Try

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
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As an adult, I’ve learned to follow through with things; as a kid I struggled to stick to one thing and finish it. I took dance classes as a child and quit for other things. I re-started dance classes as a 16 year old – which is a bit older than most students. I decided to audition for our high school’s flag/dance team. Anyone who knew me would have been shocked to find out I’d done that; it was out of character for me.

We’d be doing a boot camp to get us all in shape and learn the skills we needed to audition, so I went for it. A week in, a few girls dropped out, and I’d started to realize I most likely wasn’t skilled or in-shape enough to keep up with the better dancers. I decided to stay and follow through with the process, realizing that either way I was gaining some great dance training and exercise. You can imagine how things turned out: I didn’t make it. Other girls told me that I’d done really well for my experience level, and I was extremely proud of the muscle and flexibility I’d gained during the camp.

More than those things, I’d gained a new perspective on failure and learning. I started to realize that just because I wasn’t going to make the team, that didn’t mean the process wasn’t valuable. I stepped out of my comfort zone and took part in something I’d never done before, and even though I “failed” at the end goal, I gained so many things from the experience that I still use today. Now, deciding whether or not do something, I ask myself: If the only thing I have to lose is time, and experience can be gained, why not do the thing?

For My Health and Self

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
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There are a lot of ways to become a well-adjusted adult and a lot of ideas of what that might look like. For me, the traits I value that I believe much of society values as well are: respect, responsibility, self-motivation, and compassion. There are others, but my parents helped instill these in me in ways I feel made my life easier, not harder. Specifically, my mother, who consistently taught me about the balance between pushing yourself and resting. In my life, she’s the OG of the “work-life balance”. She respected my autonomy and personal boundaries without fail, and stood up for my freedom to be myself and choose my own life.

I can’t narrow-down what she’s done for me to just one action, but I can give you two major times her positive effect rippled into years of my life. When I was young and still figuring out who I was, and everyone had an opinion on what that should be, and when I was an adult and my condition started to become more extreme and debilitating. Both times, her respect and compassion helped me to grow and build those traits for myself.

When I was younger I was never forced to go to family gatherings, extracurriculars, friend’s houses etc. but was asked to make the choice myself. People may disagree with this, but I think it helped me grow into a better adult because the choices weren’t someone else’s, they were mine. The consequences the arose from those choices were then mine too, and I learned to take responsibility for them. My mother gave me the room I needed to figure out who I was, build confidence in that identity, and to make choices in my life that aligned with that. I knew that if I chose not to visit someone or attend an event I had no one else to blame if I didn’t like the end-result. Not only that, it also meant that every interaction I had was authentic and un-forced. It led to my own self-motivation in the tasks I took up, and a sense of care and integrity towards everything I do. She also taught me about respecting my body too: knowing when I was too ill or exhausted to keep pushing. It’s been a helpful balance that lets me prioritize the things important to me, while knowing when to recuperate for the other important aspects of my life.

In 2015, I was struck with temporary, moderate gastroparesis due to a virus, which meant I was extremely malnourished for an extended period. It also contributed to my pre-existing arrhythmia becoming more severe and chronic, and to the development of a second type of arrhythmia. I was miserable, and bedridden, and at the time we didn’t know what was wrong. Being a cardiac nurse, my mom had seen many patients decondition to the point of requiring even more treatment to get back on their feet. My entire life she’d stressed the need for rest when we were feeling bad; this time she was stressing the need for growth in a safe environment. Every day, we walked while my dad waited at home near the car, in case I passed out or needed driven back home. I truly believe this is why I’m not wheelchair bound today; considering my first nurse in a dysautonomia clinic I was admitted to said, “I didn’t realize you were my patient, you’re the first one I’ve had in years with these issues that isn’t in a wheelchair.” My mom worked hard to show me how to tell for myself when it was important to rest and when it was important to push myself. Every day that I am grateful I can still travel without a wheelchair, eat without a tube, and live without a pace-maker, I have my mother to thank for.

My mother gave me years of her time and compassion; on its own, that’s a hugely positive thing to do for someone. By example, she also taught me to respect others and myself, have compassion, take responsibility for the direction my choices lead me in, and to motivate myself to get work done or to rest when needed. There are so many others in my life who have helped give me those lessons too, but on top of all of those things I have my mother to thank for the amount of physical ability I still have left. She made sure I kept as much of my health as I was able to, and that is the most positive effect I can think to have on someone. Thanks, Mom.

Experiencing “The Shining” Through Life

~ Olivia Hill ~ 3 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What book could you read over and over again?
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An enjoyable book doesn’t need to meet any criteria other than to bring the reader entertainment. Stephen King’s The Shining does that for me, and more. His character development and relatability is renowned and I’ve found experiencing their lives vicariously is enjoyable and changes as I get older.

As a teen, and someone with very little experience in caring for others or complex responsibilities outside of my role as a daughter, I enjoyed Danny’s perspective the most. His entire world is his parents, and his navigation through the book repeatedly comes back to them, even when interacting with others. All he cares about is being safe, and protecting his family in his own way. The detail King writes on Danny’s thought process feels similar to how a child who has experienced some level of trauma would think. As someone who developed PTSD quite early in life, it was something relatable for me right from the start. I could read the book over and over simply because of Danny’s perspective.

As I grew, my interests in the book did as well. Reading it again teaches me new things about myself, and reminds me that my world view is constantly shifting with my experiences. Growing meant I understood Jack and Wendy better – The pressure Jack feels to provide and cope with his own failings, and the care and concern Wendy feels as a wife and mother. I don’t know a single adult that hasn’t had a moment when their own flaws have either directly or indirectly harmed a loved one, and Jack spends the entirety of the book wrestling with his personal demons. Wendy spends much of the book wrestling with Jack’s demons, too. I can relate to both, as I think many can, of being and of witnessing a loved one who deals with overcoming personal flaws.

Growing older still, I began to appreciate Mr. Halloran and even the manager Stuart Ullman, with renewed interest. Mr. Halloran is lovable for so many reasons, but especially with his self-sacrifice. He put himself at risk to save a family he barely knew, and to protect a little boy he understood was vulnerable to the hotel’s particular forces. His capacity for love and caring is something to be adored and it’s always a joy to read. Frequent readers aren’t unfamiliar with the idea that characters in books can bring us hope that the real people in our lives might share some of those positive qualities. Dick Halloran, to me, is a representation of the hope we all bring with us into dark times. Stuart Ullman isn’t that so much, but rather a good example of what others appear to us when their viewpoints may be distant from our own. Mr. Ullman cares about his job, and the hotel, and protects it the way Wendy protects her son. He’s not a villain so much as a man whose priorities are at odds with Jack Torrance’s. He’s leery of the man whose personal history isn’t exactly overflowing with proud moments and who seems similar to the previous caretaker, whose end wasn’t so proud either. I’m sure I’ve been the villain in someone else’s life even when I was doing my best to do the right thing for everyone; I can empathize with Mr. Ullman and his concerns.

I’m excited to read the book throughout the years. Gaining more from the characters as my life experience develops, and appreciating the book in different ways than before. A good book is something that provides entertainment, and sometimes that requires showing us something new each time it’s content is consumed. I look forward to being entertained by a new aspect and the old ones alike, the next time I read.

All The Difference

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve written any blog posts. I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus because I’ve spent the time focusing on my health and personal growth. After writing in the past on New Year’s “resolutions”, it feels right to build on my standpoint of constant growth by explaining the progress I’ve made over the years. Here are some things I’ve learned to do in my personal and professional life, and some things I know to do that I haven’t quite mastered yet:

The Obvious:

Do your best

Every day, even when I’m feeling tired or jaded, I try to give my best work to the tasks I do. It applies to my personal and professional life. This isn’t just about doing your best with the task at hand, it’s also about setting yourself up for success with the next tasks. It’s a simple directive, but easy to deeply over analyze if you want to. Do your task; but also grow well, plan well, learn well, and maintain balance well.

I’m still working on this one. The reason why is because I’ve learned a lot about myself – how my mind works best, and how I learn best – and I’ve been learning how to adjust my lifestyle, schedule, and support system to make the most of it. For me, personally, I want to work through my own differences between how I function best and how the world/economic systems work, instead of treating those differences like immovable obstacles. Part of doing my best is believing that there’s always a way to improve on my performance, to adapt to difficulties, and to find collaborators who will work with, and make the most of, my own style of thinking instead of against it.

Be honest, but not blunt – unless you need to be

In my experience there is always a more diplomatic way to convey information. Being blunt, and in some cases aggressive, should be reserved for times when the other party chooses to use your polite honesty as a way to ignore what was said completely – and only when the matter is important enough to risk potentially burning bridges. Choosing your battles is as much a part of this process as choosing your words.

Sharing your opinions in an honest but respectful way, can do wonders in cultivating needed change. However, sometimes others do not care about your opinions. Bluntness can oftentimes help convey your own convictions and boundaries, rather than persuade others to change theirs. That has value, as long as you’re also open to the idea you may be wrong.

This is why I always choose polite honesty first, because there’s always a possibility the other party has information that could change my mind. Maybe their critique of me or their expression of their own convictions and boundaries could persuade me to see things differently. Part of honesty is being honest with yourself, and open to other’s bluntness with you when it’s called for.

Prioritize

No mystery with this one. Getting lost in “side quests” can cost you your goals.

This is one I work on every day. Some of the ways I try to do it well are:

  • Write down the day’s goals, and which tasks need to be done to get you there
  • Make a schedule, and do your best to stick as closely to it as possible
  • Be flexible. Shit happens; and sometimes we’ve got to pivot and adapt. Getting good at that has helped me more than any other skill I have. I can still improve on it too.
  • Remember that anything worth doing, is worth doing halfway. I only have so much time to get things done, sometimes a time limit forces a sacrifice of quality.

The Not-So-Obvious:

The jar of rocks, pebbles, and sand can be improved on – carefully

Many professionals have heard the analogy of the empty jar that needs to be filled with rocks, pebbles, and sand. If you wanted to fill it as full as possible you could start with rocks, then pebbles, then sand. That’s how it’s supposed to go, anyway; but something about that answer has always bothered me.

Maybe it’s because that analogy has been used to convince me to ignore tasks I viewed as a priority. I’d argue it’s more because logically I think it’s a phenomenal analogy that gets told in a way that short-changes managers, employees, and goal-setters. If you really wanted to fill the jar, the best way to do it would be to put a few rocks down, fill the gaps with pebbles, pack that with sand, then repeat the layers. Each day has one to a few large tasks, then there are smaller ones that help fill in the gaps.

I firmly believe that if we put off the small tasks simply because they’re small, we’ll be left with large gaps in our potential and performance. Learning to understand the careful balance between large and small tasks is the best way to make the most of our time and ability. We don’t fill the jar up right away with large stones, we do it in parts and layers.

An example of how I do this is with my email. Let’s say I have a particularly hectic day, and I only have time to read the most important emails and handle them. There will come a time when the tiny emails (the sand), like spam or ads, will need to be sorted and removed, or my email storage will get filled very fast. The mid-priority emails (the pebbles), will eventually need to be responded to and handled or coworkers/friends/family may become upset or lose valuable productive time due to my delay. Instead of pushing off the sand and pebbles until my inbox is full-up or someone loses their patience with me, I take care of them every single day as long as I have time. Most days, I take care of the big emails a little bit, then handle some sand & pebble emails, then I go back and do more stone-sized emails. The jar gets packed as full as possible and my email stays well organized. I used to have the tendency to only focus on stones until the inbox storage was full, and then I lost long days on fixing it and robbed myself of easily obtained mental peace. Filling the jar in layers without losing focus has done me a lot of good for numerous endeavors.

Small bites

I read somewhere that the best way people learn is by learning in very small chunks at a time. 15 min each day, instead of 8 hours + once a week is the quickest way to solidify learning, for example. I try to apply this “small bite” concept to everything from my own lessons, to how I communicate with people.

I’m an over-explainer. I know this, and I know it needs to change. Many people can’t handle too much new information, and instead of helping them understand my perspective I end up overwhelming them, or worse, exhausting them. This is one I’m constantly working on; even while writing this.

As for learning, I try to do small 5-15 minute lessons each day in a topic I’m interested in, for a total of no more than an hour. I’ve learned a lot this way. Tasks can be done this way too as long as they don’t have an upcoming deadline.

Learn your audience

Some people will be details people, some people won’t be. Some people will care about you as a person, and why you do the things you do, and some won’t. Some people will want to know all the possibilities, and some will only want to know the most probable.

I’m still working on learning to gauge what the other person cares about in a conversation. In my professional life, this skill has become increasingly vital to success. One of my goals this year is to become better at succinct communication, and having the patience and wisdom to know that if someone wants details, they’ll ask. In my private life, this means recognizing that if someone doesn’t care enough to ever ask for details, then it may be time to move on and find the people who do care.

The Cynical:

Not everyone cares as much as you might

Professionally, I have the main things I care about: pride in my work, my coworker’s morale and well-being, and the future success of my employer. Personally I have a lot of passions that range in importance. Sometimes it’s hard to know that not everyone cares about the big things as much as I do. On the flip-side, I’m sure I’ve put someone else in that position about their own passions. I can’t change others, I can only change myself and how I respond to things, and focusing on that self-growth has provided me with a lot of peace.

Being skilled, or prepared, sometimes isn’t enough

Life happens. Murphy’s law sometimes wins the day. Everyone has room to grow and learn, and so even someone who has prepared and practiced will eventually meet their match in a situation. Instead of beating myself up about my failures, I try to treat each one as a learning opportunity. Spending my energy learning and growing is a much better use of it, than to spend it having remorse for my failures or bad luck.

Leaders don’t always lead well

Most people have had a moment where a teacher, parent, manager, or other person of authority seemed to make a bad or harmful choice. Not everyone who has responsibilities, or a position of power, is going to be immediately good at it. I’ve learned it’s best to focus on trying to help others grow in their positions than removing them from them. Speaking your mind honestly (as described above) can play a big part in this.

A good example of this is an experience I had with a phlebotomist who removed a needle incorrectly, and gave me a large hematoma. My mother is a nurse who has a talent for safely and painlessly doing that type of work, so I knew the phlebotomist had made a mistake. When I called to report it, I made it clear I just wanted her retrained to prevent other patients from experiencing the same thing. That was back in 2014; I’m pleased to say that she’s still working there today in 2023 and is one of the best phlebotomists at the location. A mistake made is valuable experience that builds an expert. If we constantly force people to start fresh, we’ll always have beginners.

The Hopeful:

Everyone wants to be heard

One of the most basic human wants is to be heard and understood. It’s what drives our relationships and vital connections with one another. It’s a good thing to remember, personally and professionally.

I try to be a good listener in every interaction; and I could stand to improve as a listener. I think if we all listened more it would make us better professionals, better partners, better friends and family members. We can learn a lot from one another if we’re listening, and when we’re equally listened to we gain valuable contributions to our mental health and sometimes build important relationships.

If people know they’re making a difference, they keep doing it

This point isn’t about the people who don’t care; we can’t change them. This point is for the people who care, but have never been made aware of the difference they’re making. I’ve learned that if I want to feel motivated, learning more about why someone’s asked me to complete a task helps me do that. Knowing how I’m contributing to the big picture is a major factor in whether I perform a task well.

I try to take this with me when I write notes or advice for coworkers, or when I take a mentorship role in my personal life. Feeling like they have a purpose often provides enough motivation for someone to complete a task. Additionally, sometimes people just really need the “why”, otherwise it feels like busy-work, or a pointless task.

One person can make a difference

I know this is true because one person made a difference for me. Years ago I was doing very badly at my first university; I was dealing with a mental health crisis and didn’t yet understand the importance of asking for help. I struggled alone by staying at home, missing classes, dropping friendships, and eating only once a week, at the same restaurant. The crew at that hour knew me, and it was clear by looking at me that I wasn’t doing well, but I was always there on Wednesdays. For two months I stopped going, I was reaching the point where existing just didn’t seem worth it, and I stepped out for one more day to go eat at my favorite place. I got in line and the usual girl yelled “You’re okay!!! We were so worried about you when you stopped coming in.” It took everything I had not to burst into tears at the counter. That one girl saved my life; and she didn’t even know it. Because of her, everything I’ve done from that point on has been possible. If my actions have an effect on anything, it can be attributed to her kindness.

One person, one moment, one small action can make all the difference in a million different ways, for a million different people. Ripples outward that affect other things, and so on. I spend every day trying to remember how important that one stranger was to me, so that I remember to be kind, say the nice things when I have a chance, and to do my best in everything I do. It does make a difference.

Happy New Year. I hope you’ll make the most of it.

Perspective, Reality, and Happiness

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

When I was young I went through some traumas that shaped how I viewed and moved through the world. I spent a good amount of my childhood reading non-fiction, daydreaming, and immersing myself into any imaginative activities that allowed me to escape how I was feeling and what was going on in my life. This is normal for kids, and usually isn’t an issue. I don’t think it was an issue for me either, but because my brain had me focusing on surviving through my problems, I lost some of the growth a lot of young kids, teens, and young adults gain.

Outwardly, I know I’ve grown a lot when it comes to friendships and social interactions. I’m more confident, I don’t shy away from certain experiences and activities anymore. I’ve learned to listen more, and to reciprocate in friendships in a way that I was horrible at as a teen and young adult. I still have a lot of growing to do when it comes to interactions with people. I could probably write an entire article on all the ways my PTSD affects my relationships with others, how hard I’ve worked to overcome that, and how much more work I have ahead of me. I’m aware of the growth in that respect because it makes itself visible through a kind of “return” in life: more friendships, better conversations, a general sense that my interactions were more positive.

The part of my own growth that I didn’t realize until recently, was more internal. The results were less visible and the effect on my life wasn’t as apparent to me:

Perspective.

Those childhood daydreams I had were often about fantastical scenarios: super powers, saving the world, having an easier life, meeting hobbits, battling orcs, living the lives of my favorite characters from all kinds of different media. I immersed myself in fantasy because facing my own life was something I wasn’t ready for. Facing my own faults and traumas was difficult, and imagining a world where flying on broomsticks didn’t exist just didn’t seem as fun. My perspective was focused on unrealistic goals and stories because I didn’t think improving my own life was as possible. It felt like I had to wait for help, or a miracle, or someone to hand me an opportunity.

I was, actually, handed a lot of opportunities and I passed them by. I wasn’t ready and they often involved interacting with people in ways that I just didn’t know how to do yet. I needed to grow more. Instead of recognizing that my lost opportunities were, in fact, my fault, my young mind framed it in a way that made it feel less like my fault and more like random chance or circumstance, or someone else’s fault. My perspective was coming from a less developed place; that’s okay. Everyone learns and grows at their own pace, and you cannot do things you’re not ready to do without it causing more issues later on. I try not to beat myself up about the things I caused myself to miss out on.

As I’ve gotten older, my daydreams and interests have become more focused in realistic goals. Does this mean I never fantasize about flying on a dragon, or helping a wizard with a quest? No. Enjoying non-fiction is a great hobby, and everyone deserves time to relax and unwind once in a while. But I also do something I learned from a very wise friend a long time ago: chase discomfort. I look for things I can change, and if I have to be uncomfortable while I change them, that’s okay. In fact, it’s how we grow. If we’re always comfortable, our bodies and our minds never learn how to adjust to new things, new problems, new stimuli. We also generally learn to take the comfortable for granted; you need both comfort and discomfort to appreciate both the good and the bad things in life.

My daydreams now focus on the things I want to achieve: things that now feel within my reach. Things that would make me happy, and that don’t need to be some fantastical scenario involving magic, miracles, or princes who save me from the bad things in my life. I can tackle the bad things on my own, or with the help of people who care for me.

Instead of flying on broomsticks, I want to learn to do a backflip or a b-twist. Instead of swimming with mermaids or sliding down ice hills with magical penguins, I want to learn to hold my breath for 5 minutes or more, or spend 2 minutes or more in an ice bath as I practice the Wim Hof Method. Instead of having fairy godmothers make me new clothes that fit well and never get dirty, I want to learn to design and sew my own clothes. Instead of riding in the TARDIS with The Doctor and automatically having languages translated for me, I want to spend the time and energy learning 8+ languages so that I can meet people from all-over and make my own adventures.

I no longer focus on the destination or the results. Half the fun in life, and all of the experience, come from the journey of reaching goals. I love the days I take cold showers, or do breath-work. I adore sitting down to solve a difficult problem or try something a bit more physically challenging. This change in perspective has made me happier. It’s so much easier to look at my life feeling grateful for the good things, and accepting the bad ones. I no longer question “why did this happen to me?” and instead I ask “How can I make it better, or learn to live with it?”. It’s no longer “How can I survive?” but “How can I thrive?”

Being physically ill, and having to focus on survival, probably had a lot to do with this change in perspective. When you have to accept that your life might not be as long as you thought, and that time is out of your control, you also start thinking about all the things you’d miss; surprisingly, the bad things are there too. You learn this in therapy as well; especially when you’re learning to heal with PTSD. Learning to accept the bad things is part of the process. Learning to notice the great things is too. All of life, is what makes it life – pain and pleasure both. I will continue to chase discomfort and grow.