Tag: New Years

All The Difference

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve written any blog posts. I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus because I’ve spent the time focusing on my health and personal growth. After writing in the past on New Year’s “resolutions”, it feels right to build on my standpoint of constant growth by explaining the progress I’ve made over the years. Here are some things I’ve learned to do in my personal and professional life, and some things I know to do that I haven’t quite mastered yet:

The Obvious:

Do your best

Every day, even when I’m feeling tired or jaded, I try to give my best work to the tasks I do. It applies to my personal and professional life. This isn’t just about doing your best with the task at hand, it’s also about setting yourself up for success with the next tasks. It’s a simple directive, but easy to deeply over analyze if you want to. Do your task; but also grow well, plan well, learn well, and maintain balance well.

I’m still working on this one. The reason why is because I’ve learned a lot about myself – how my mind works best, and how I learn best – and I’ve been learning how to adjust my lifestyle, schedule, and support system to make the most of it. For me, personally, I want to work through my own differences between how I function best and how the world/economic systems work, instead of treating those differences like immovable obstacles. Part of doing my best is believing that there’s always a way to improve on my performance, to adapt to difficulties, and to find collaborators who will work with, and make the most of, my own style of thinking instead of against it.

Be honest, but not blunt – unless you need to be

In my experience there is always a more diplomatic way to convey information. Being blunt, and in some cases aggressive, should be reserved for times when the other party chooses to use your polite honesty as a way to ignore what was said completely – and only when the matter is important enough to risk potentially burning bridges. Choosing your battles is as much a part of this process as choosing your words.

Sharing your opinions in an honest but respectful way, can do wonders in cultivating needed change. However, sometimes others do not care about your opinions. Bluntness can oftentimes help convey your own convictions and boundaries, rather than persuade others to change theirs. That has value, as long as you’re also open to the idea you may be wrong.

This is why I always choose polite honesty first, because there’s always a possibility the other party has information that could change my mind. Maybe their critique of me or their expression of their own convictions and boundaries could persuade me to see things differently. Part of honesty is being honest with yourself, and open to other’s bluntness with you when it’s called for.

Prioritize

No mystery with this one. Getting lost in “side quests” can cost you your goals.

This is one I work on every day. Some of the ways I try to do it well are:

  • Write down the day’s goals, and which tasks need to be done to get you there
  • Make a schedule, and do your best to stick as closely to it as possible
  • Be flexible. Shit happens; and sometimes we’ve got to pivot and adapt. Getting good at that has helped me more than any other skill I have. I can still improve on it too.
  • Remember that anything worth doing, is worth doing halfway. I only have so much time to get things done, sometimes a time limit forces a sacrifice of quality.

The Not-So-Obvious:

The jar of rocks, pebbles, and sand can be improved on – carefully

Many professionals have heard the analogy of the empty jar that needs to be filled with rocks, pebbles, and sand. If you wanted to fill it as full as possible you could start with rocks, then pebbles, then sand. That’s how it’s supposed to go, anyway; but something about that answer has always bothered me.

Maybe it’s because that analogy has been used to convince me to ignore tasks I viewed as a priority. I’d argue it’s more because logically I think it’s a phenomenal analogy that gets told in a way that short-changes managers, employees, and goal-setters. If you really wanted to fill the jar, the best way to do it would be to put a few rocks down, fill the gaps with pebbles, pack that with sand, then repeat the layers. Each day has one to a few large tasks, then there are smaller ones that help fill in the gaps.

I firmly believe that if we put off the small tasks simply because they’re small, we’ll be left with large gaps in our potential and performance. Learning to understand the careful balance between large and small tasks is the best way to make the most of our time and ability. We don’t fill the jar up right away with large stones, we do it in parts and layers.

An example of how I do this is with my email. Let’s say I have a particularly hectic day, and I only have time to read the most important emails and handle them. There will come a time when the tiny emails (the sand), like spam or ads, will need to be sorted and removed, or my email storage will get filled very fast. The mid-priority emails (the pebbles), will eventually need to be responded to and handled or coworkers/friends/family may become upset or lose valuable productive time due to my delay. Instead of pushing off the sand and pebbles until my inbox is full-up or someone loses their patience with me, I take care of them every single day as long as I have time. Most days, I take care of the big emails a little bit, then handle some sand & pebble emails, then I go back and do more stone-sized emails. The jar gets packed as full as possible and my email stays well organized. I used to have the tendency to only focus on stones until the inbox storage was full, and then I lost long days on fixing it and robbed myself of easily obtained mental peace. Filling the jar in layers without losing focus has done me a lot of good for numerous endeavors.

Small bites

I read somewhere that the best way people learn is by learning in very small chunks at a time. 15 min each day, instead of 8 hours + once a week is the quickest way to solidify learning, for example. I try to apply this “small bite” concept to everything from my own lessons, to how I communicate with people.

I’m an over-explainer. I know this, and I know it needs to change. Many people can’t handle too much new information, and instead of helping them understand my perspective I end up overwhelming them, or worse, exhausting them. This is one I’m constantly working on; even while writing this.

As for learning, I try to do small 5-15 minute lessons each day in a topic I’m interested in, for a total of no more than an hour. I’ve learned a lot this way. Tasks can be done this way too as long as they don’t have an upcoming deadline.

Learn your audience

Some people will be details people, some people won’t be. Some people will care about you as a person, and why you do the things you do, and some won’t. Some people will want to know all the possibilities, and some will only want to know the most probable.

I’m still working on learning to gauge what the other person cares about in a conversation. In my professional life, this skill has become increasingly vital to success. One of my goals this year is to become better at succinct communication, and having the patience and wisdom to know that if someone wants details, they’ll ask. In my private life, this means recognizing that if someone doesn’t care enough to ever ask for details, then it may be time to move on and find the people who do care.

The Cynical:

Not everyone cares as much as you might

Professionally, I have the main things I care about: pride in my work, my coworker’s morale and well-being, and the future success of my employer. Personally I have a lot of passions that range in importance. Sometimes it’s hard to know that not everyone cares about the big things as much as I do. On the flip-side, I’m sure I’ve put someone else in that position about their own passions. I can’t change others, I can only change myself and how I respond to things, and focusing on that self-growth has provided me with a lot of peace.

Being skilled, or prepared, sometimes isn’t enough

Life happens. Murphy’s law sometimes wins the day. Everyone has room to grow and learn, and so even someone who has prepared and practiced will eventually meet their match in a situation. Instead of beating myself up about my failures, I try to treat each one as a learning opportunity. Spending my energy learning and growing is a much better use of it, than to spend it having remorse for my failures or bad luck.

Leaders don’t always lead well

Most people have had a moment where a teacher, parent, manager, or other person of authority seemed to make a bad or harmful choice. Not everyone who has responsibilities, or a position of power, is going to be immediately good at it. I’ve learned it’s best to focus on trying to help others grow in their positions than removing them from them. Speaking your mind honestly (as described above) can play a big part in this.

A good example of this is an experience I had with a phlebotomist who removed a needle incorrectly, and gave me a large hematoma. My mother is a nurse who has a talent for safely and painlessly doing that type of work, so I knew the phlebotomist had made a mistake. When I called to report it, I made it clear I just wanted her retrained to prevent other patients from experiencing the same thing. That was back in 2014; I’m pleased to say that she’s still working there today in 2023 and is one of the best phlebotomists at the location. A mistake made is valuable experience that builds an expert. If we constantly force people to start fresh, we’ll always have beginners.

The Hopeful:

Everyone wants to be heard

One of the most basic human wants is to be heard and understood. It’s what drives our relationships and vital connections with one another. It’s a good thing to remember, personally and professionally.

I try to be a good listener in every interaction; and I could stand to improve as a listener. I think if we all listened more it would make us better professionals, better partners, better friends and family members. We can learn a lot from one another if we’re listening, and when we’re equally listened to we gain valuable contributions to our mental health and sometimes build important relationships.

If people know they’re making a difference, they keep doing it

This point isn’t about the people who don’t care; we can’t change them. This point is for the people who care, but have never been made aware of the difference they’re making. I’ve learned that if I want to feel motivated, learning more about why someone’s asked me to complete a task helps me do that. Knowing how I’m contributing to the big picture is a major factor in whether I perform a task well.

I try to take this with me when I write notes or advice for coworkers, or when I take a mentorship role in my personal life. Feeling like they have a purpose often provides enough motivation for someone to complete a task. Additionally, sometimes people just really need the “why”, otherwise it feels like busy-work, or a pointless task.

One person can make a difference

I know this is true because one person made a difference for me. Years ago I was doing very badly at my first university; I was dealing with a mental health crisis and didn’t yet understand the importance of asking for help. I struggled alone by staying at home, missing classes, dropping friendships, and eating only once a week, at the same restaurant. The crew at that hour knew me, and it was clear by looking at me that I wasn’t doing well, but I was always there on Wednesdays. For two months I stopped going, I was reaching the point where existing just didn’t seem worth it, and I stepped out for one more day to go eat at my favorite place. I got in line and the usual girl yelled “You’re okay!!! We were so worried about you when you stopped coming in.” It took everything I had not to burst into tears at the counter. That one girl saved my life; and she didn’t even know it. Because of her, everything I’ve done from that point on has been possible. If my actions have an effect on anything, it can be attributed to her kindness.

One person, one moment, one small action can make all the difference in a million different ways, for a million different people. Ripples outward that affect other things, and so on. I spend every day trying to remember how important that one stranger was to me, so that I remember to be kind, say the nice things when I have a chance, and to do my best in everything I do. It does make a difference.

Happy New Year. I hope you’ll make the most of it.

Same Me, Same Goals, New Methods

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

Last Year I wrote about how each day is a great time to pursue self improvement. I still feel that way, and given the less than joyous political and social climate we had in the US this year, maybe even more so.

Every New Years Day for me is a day to assess what I’ve done, and come up with a plan for making it better. Most people can do this pretty effectively. The tricky part is continuing that self-help momentum into February and beyond. I struggle with it as much as the next person but I’ve learned some tips that might help someone else too.

The first week of the new year is when I write the page numbers, goal pages (daily & yearly/lifetime), and date sections for each day of the year, in a fresh notebook. This planner has become my lifeline to keeping on track (read about it here) and is part of three notebooks I use daily.

The second notebook I use is a journal for tracking what happened the day before. Most people who have gotten to know me over the years know I have a slightly bad long term memory and this helps me keep track of important dates such as when I graduated, had major medical procedures done, changed jobs/schools etc. It’s also a good mental health care routine to have to process stress and monitor health trends. For example, if a doctor wants to know how long my symptoms have lasted, or when I first noticed something, I can usually look back and find it there. I’d recommend this to anyone preparing for an appointment, especially since in the US right now the waiting times are much longer, and you’re more likely to go through health changes (or attempt to home treat) before your appointment actually comes around.

The third notebook is another kind of health tracker. Before last year I rarely drank soda, and I was so busy all day that the extra sugars didn’t affect me much. Since changing from a job where I was on my feet constantly to a completely sedentary one I’ve also drank more soda than ever. I gained some weight and started seeing some negative effects on my heart and overall health; this plus the fact that T2 Diabetes runs in both sides of my family encouraged me to lower my intake. Since I’m a believer in enjoying the little things in moderation, this journal lets me essentially do a sticker chart (yep, more stickers!). I made a spiral chart, and every 5 stickers I can have a soda, and after about 70 stickers I get a Redbull (I found out having one and drinking it slowly with water actually doesn’t bother my heart too badly; that’s serious progress!).

The goal, is to get a sticker after every good health day. I have to drink enough water to meet my intake goals, which is around 1500 mL, exercise in some way even if it’s just a brief walk, and get at least 6-8 hours of sleep. If I meet all three of these goals, I get a sticker. This method basically reinforces itself, and helped me move away from my slight soda addiction. Before this, I was literally putting myself into exhaustion from excess caffeine/sugar and not fueling my body enough to handle it; it caused quite a few heart problems.

Outside of these journals, making my goals for the year has been vital. When making my goals I try to keep in mind that I’ll probably lose momentum around mid-late January, and they should be realistic enough to take into account poor health days, stressful events, and disappointment when I fail to meet daily goals. Those goals are:

  1. Do my best to listen to my body’s needs
  2. Make healthy choices as much as possible
  3. Treat each new moment as just that, new.
  4. Try to work on at least one personal endeavor each day, even if that’s just for 10 minutes

These seem kind of simple, but they leave room for error, while giving me a chance to assess what I want out of my life each day. I personally enjoy learning new things, working on different projects, and getting healthier, but setting strict goals makes it harder to adapt when things don’t go as planned. As most Spoonies already know, having to adapt is crucial when your body doesn’t always do what you need it to when you need it to.

So, what do I do around this time of the new year when things start losing their brand new motivational sparkle? I set alarms.

Well, technically I use my phone and apps to track personal goals in simple ways. But since not everyone has the ability or means to do this, I’m going to break it down to it’s simplest form. I have an alarm for each type of activity I need to do during the day. One for taking my medications, one for small fitness breaks, one for drinking water, and one for time to rest and reflect on my day. Alarms can be different things for different people, but they give you a chance to stop stressing, and let the app/phone/clock worry about time. If I choose to skip one, I know it’ll come around again and I get another shot at it later.

Honestly, for me, the key to staying motivated is what I’ve stated from the start: every new day, every new moment, is a new chance. Beating myself up over what I didn’t do because I was busy with my health, another priority, or just plain tired, just stops me from trying again later. Being gentle with myself, while also trying not to overindulge have been the best ways to keep me going at a good pace. There’s no magic routine that will work for everyone. I didn’t learn these methods from someone else, and while they might help someone else, that person will also have to make changes that fit their own needs. Implementing something small, getting used to it, then adding resources as needed is a pretty good standard practice. Dumping too much on yourself can be overwhelming and most people lose momentum from the sheer weight of it all.

Self improvement isn’t a sprint, it’s an endurance run. Go too hard and too fast, and you’ll burn yourself out before you’ve even begun.

New Year, Same Me

~ Olivia Hill ~ 1 Comment

I don’t like New Years.

This isn’t because I hate parties, though, if asked to choose between a solitary activity and a party I’d probably choose the former about 85% of the time. No, it’s because I’m not a fan of the idea that you have to wait a year, for a magical day, to change anything about yourself. If that’s your thing, then you do you, but it’s not for me.

1. This opens up the next year for a lot of feelings of failure. You didn’t lose weight? Failed. You didn’t stop drinking? Failed. It’s this barrage of mental “you suck”s and then you have this expectation that the reset button is January 1st. Which for some, is 11 months away.

2. This leaves the idea that growth, learning, and success don’t also require mistakes.

3. It causes people to give up during a process that takes time, second (and third, fourth, 5th and so on…) chances, and a lot of getting back up and trying again with the same faith in yourself that you started with.

So, yep, I absolutely hate New Years. To me, these things should be tossed on their head and it should be done differently. For me, NYE is just another night. NYD is just another day. In fact, we spent today hanging out just like any other. I didn’t clean, I didn’t write resolutions, I didn’t pledge my year to health, or a skill.

I did buy some new instruments because going forward I would like to do more music related things. This thought isn’t stuck in the new year, it was with the new day. A new year’s resolution is like mud on your shoe. It starts fresh and thick and as you walk it rubs off in the grass, then eventually you forget it. But a new day’s thought, one that is less tied to time and more tied to you, is like a pet that walks with you and keeps you company wherever you go.

I want my goals to stay, not fade away as the year goes on. So I take every new day as a new chance. A new chance to drink more water than I did yesterday. A new chance to exercise. A new chance to clean, work on a skill, or change a part of me that needs work. But if I fail, I don’t think “time to quit until next year”, I just think: the next second, minute, hour, or day, are perfectly new and fresh opportunities.

No one is transformed when the clock strikes midnight. No one becomes someone new. The phrase “new year, new me” ignores the person you are. It ignores the good things about you. It ignores the process of improving, and the cycle of failure that naturally comes with it. Every day is a new chance to grow. Take the mistakes and embrace them, but don’t let them stop you from trying. Don’t forget the person you are, and embrace it. You don’t throw you away, you just add on better things. Don’t wait to make positive change, just make a new choice in the next second, not the next year.

There’s a lot of superstition surrounding new years: don’t go into the new year with anything you don’t want or you’ll have it the whole year. Well, breathe easy, because it doesn’t matter. Chronic illness teaches a lot of people that. The day changes constantly for spoonies. One minute can be wonderful and the next can be agonizing. If I quit every second I couldn’t breathe, or I was in pain, or felt nauseous, I’d never do anything.

My successes grew from a lot of moments spent on the floor. A lot of mental and physical illness moments. A lot of failures. I’ve had days that were going great, workouts happened, meals were cooked, the house was cleaned, and then the very next day it was destroyed. Those 2nd days sometimes involve me gasping for air, or wanting to jump out of my body because of some constant nagging pain, or struggling to do anything at all.

Sometimes, those 2nd days came after a doctor’s visit that destroyed my hopes. A visit that felt like my symptoms were so horrible, that I was struggling so hard, but that the doctors weren’t listening. Some visits involved waiting for tests to come back, and finding out still there were no answers.

One year, there were answers. After so many months of struggling, of tears, of shattered hopes, I finally found a doctor who listened, who believed me. I always think back to that any time I try something. I remember all the timed I failed or the situation failed me, and I think about how many times I tried again before finally getting some success. Every time we fall, we shouldn’t wait for a special day to make our lives better. We should get up, and push forward. At least that’s what I think, and I try to lead by example.