Tag: positive

Choices Ripple Outward

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.
View all responses

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how each choice we make affects others. There’s tons of literature and films that cover this concept, and I think about it far more often than is probably healthy, but it can be fun too. If you suffer from decision paralysis, it might be a good time to stop reading.

I enjoy a thought experiment, where a scenario is given; the goal is to identify all the possible negative or positive ways a choice or event may affect others, no matter how small. For example, the scenario given might be something unavoidable, like a baby crying through the night keeping their parents awake. Then, you’d brainstorm how that might affect other things. Maybe, the mother wakes up exhausted, she snaps at her husband for asking where his keys are, his mood sours and he goes out to get his morning coffee. At the café, he insults the barista who, in their upset over this, doesn’t notice they’ve forgotten to fully close the lid on a police officer’s cup. The officer spills their coffee, and in their bad mood treats a man stealing food for his family more harshly than he normally would. That man ends up in jail, causing his family to suffer. These scenarios can be brief and generalized, or lengthy and specific.

Once the initial dominos are set, I like to consider how one person might positively affect the situation. Take the scenario you’ve laid out, and add a choice into it that changes everything for the better; one positive action that affects every other. In our current example, that might be that the baby’s grandmother comes to help out with night care, so the parents can sleep. Mom wakes up well rested – helps dad find his keys who is glad to get out on time, feeling supported by his partner. His decides to compliment the barista and pay for the officer’s coffee. The officer had a pleasant morning and his faith in humanity is restored. When he’s asked to cover the theft case, he convinces the shop owner to give the man a job to help pay back the money owed. Charges aren’t filed, and the man starts out on a career path that sets him and his family up for a more secure future.

When I make my own choices, I try to remember that doing something kind for one person might help others, might make more kindness, and might even come back to affect me in some way. Doing something unkind might have a similar, but negative, effect. We all have choices; most times they’re half chance, but I firmly believe that when given the opportunity to make one, the kinder choice creates more good in the world. Our choices ripple outwards and have a larger effect than we might think.

Compliment, Not Creepy

~ Olivia Hill ~ 1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.
View all responses

The internet is flooded with stories of men who seem like they’re trying to compliment a woman, but end up scaring her instead. It can be frightening to be approached by someone who seems kind at first, but then won’t leave you alone to go about your day. I’ve been on that end of things: herded by a group of men into a corner, to (thankfully) have a key to a building they didn’t expect me to have and get away. That interaction started with a simple compliment from one of them.

You can imagine, after that experience, compliments from men on the street might provoke more caution. I was on my way to class from a parking lot, and a young man approached me who wouldn’t stop staring. Bracing myself, I waited for him to get within comment distance, and he said “Wow, you’re beautiful!” I said thank you and waited for him to stop and expect me to stay and chat. I was pleasantly surprised when he said “I hope you have a great day!” and walked on his way.

It was the first time in my entire life that a random guy had said something kind, and didn’t expect anything from me in return. Where I was treated like a human being by someone who didn’t know me, and not a commodity to be gained. He wanted to say something considerate, without passing on his information or asking for mine, and go about his day. It wasn’t the compliment, it was the way he went about it that was important to me. Feeling like a person and not a conquest is a much better feeling than just feeling beautiful; I’m glad he passed my way that day.

For My Health and Self

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
View all responses

There are a lot of ways to become a well-adjusted adult and a lot of ideas of what that might look like. For me, the traits I value that I believe much of society values as well are: respect, responsibility, self-motivation, and compassion. There are others, but my parents helped instill these in me in ways I feel made my life easier, not harder. Specifically, my mother, who consistently taught me about the balance between pushing yourself and resting. In my life, she’s the OG of the “work-life balance”. She respected my autonomy and personal boundaries without fail, and stood up for my freedom to be myself and choose my own life.

I can’t narrow-down what she’s done for me to just one action, but I can give you two major times her positive effect rippled into years of my life. When I was young and still figuring out who I was, and everyone had an opinion on what that should be, and when I was an adult and my condition started to become more extreme and debilitating. Both times, her respect and compassion helped me to grow and build those traits for myself.

When I was younger I was never forced to go to family gatherings, extracurriculars, friend’s houses etc. but was asked to make the choice myself. People may disagree with this, but I think it helped me grow into a better adult because the choices weren’t someone else’s, they were mine. The consequences the arose from those choices were then mine too, and I learned to take responsibility for them. My mother gave me the room I needed to figure out who I was, build confidence in that identity, and to make choices in my life that aligned with that. I knew that if I chose not to visit someone or attend an event I had no one else to blame if I didn’t like the end-result. Not only that, it also meant that every interaction I had was authentic and un-forced. It led to my own self-motivation in the tasks I took up, and a sense of care and integrity towards everything I do. She also taught me about respecting my body too: knowing when I was too ill or exhausted to keep pushing. It’s been a helpful balance that lets me prioritize the things important to me, while knowing when to recuperate for the other important aspects of my life.

In 2015, I was struck with temporary, moderate gastroparesis due to a virus, which meant I was extremely malnourished for an extended period. It also contributed to my pre-existing arrhythmia becoming more severe and chronic, and to the development of a second type of arrhythmia. I was miserable, and bedridden, and at the time we didn’t know what was wrong. Being a cardiac nurse, my mom had seen many patients decondition to the point of requiring even more treatment to get back on their feet. My entire life she’d stressed the need for rest when we were feeling bad; this time she was stressing the need for growth in a safe environment. Every day, we walked while my dad waited at home near the car, in case I passed out or needed driven back home. I truly believe this is why I’m not wheelchair bound today; considering my first nurse in a dysautonomia clinic I was admitted to said, “I didn’t realize you were my patient, you’re the first one I’ve had in years with these issues that isn’t in a wheelchair.” My mom worked hard to show me how to tell for myself when it was important to rest and when it was important to push myself. Every day that I am grateful I can still travel without a wheelchair, eat without a tube, and live without a pace-maker, I have my mother to thank for.

My mother gave me years of her time and compassion; on its own, that’s a hugely positive thing to do for someone. By example, she also taught me to respect others and myself, have compassion, take responsibility for the direction my choices lead me in, and to motivate myself to get work done or to rest when needed. There are so many others in my life who have helped give me those lessons too, but on top of all of those things I have my mother to thank for the amount of physical ability I still have left. She made sure I kept as much of my health as I was able to, and that is the most positive effect I can think to have on someone. Thanks, Mom.

Perspective Over Loss

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

As most Spoonies will know, chronic health issues often force us to make changes in order to maintain our functionality day-to-day. I’ve consistently adjusted my life to accommodate my disability in what feels like a never ending cycle of loss. When this cycle first started, I grieved a lot for the things I may never do or enjoy again.

Throughout the years, this viewpoint might have crippled my mental health if I hadn’t made one positive change: my perspective. It’s absolutely normal to grieve for the parts of your life and health you’ve lost, but I was interested in changing how I felt about those things. It sounds easy to someone who’s never had to do it, but it can be one of the most difficult aspects of chronic illness to manage.

When I was younger, in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, I’d heard that people late for work that morning, out sick, or otherwise kept from the Trade Center buildings due to unforseen circumstances, survived. This knowledge evolved into the idea that sometimes a moment of loss or negative circumstance can end up being positive in hindsight.

I try to remember that the change and loss I’ve undergone, due to my health or other circumstances, might be the thing that pushed my life in the best direction for me. There are an infinite number of ways to live life, and when I stop fighting the necessary changes I end up in situations better suited to who I am as a person. I can’t imagine another choice I’ve made that has had a more positive effect on me than holding that perspective.