Wasted Interactions, Computers, and Connection

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

We’ve all been there: a romantic relationship ends, a friendship drifts apart, a job role falls out, or even a small conversation with a stranger turns sour and leaves you both feeling a bit bitter. It’s normal to leave those situations thinking “wow, I could’ve been doing something else all that time”. I’ve heard a lot of comments about how the time spent with someone, in a personal or professional relationship that has since ended, was wasted. I learned, some years into college, that there’s a different perspective that fuels self-growth, and left me feeling more accepting and focused on what I could change, rather than wishing I could go back and re-do experiences.

Every interaction teaches us something. That might be our likes/dislikes, what we want to change about ourselves and what we don’t, and how we choose to navigate other interactions in the future. They might teach us patience, adaptability, that we’re not as strong as we thought we were, or that we’re stronger than we thought we were. Even if there may have been a more beneficial interaction that we could have had, doesn’t mean that these interactions we’re having won’t be beneficial to us in another way. It might be in a way we don’t expect, like creating empathy in ourselves that we didn’t have, a greater ability to help others and see their perspective, or improving how we communicate and build our interpersonal skills. These skills are something computers can’t take away from us.

Machines cannot truly understand why people have a viewpoint when it’s based in an emotion. They don’t understand ethics, pain, illness, or disability on a foundational level, in a way a human being would. Computers do not inherently understand how two individuals could have very different energy levels even if their lives were exactly the same in every other way, simply because of their health, perspective, or feelings. Computers do not have the ability to cultivate something that makes us stronger in our humanity: connection. Everything we do is centered around people; we cannot survive without other people. It is my thought that there’s no such thing as a wasted interaction. Our greatest strength as humans is the ability to engage in deeper connections, both good and bad. That other person didn’t waste my time, the only one that can do that is me, by not seizing the opportunity to learn. Every interaction I’ve ever had has taught me something about myself or about life.

Sometimes people in our lives teach us things about ourselves, sometimes they teach us things about the world, even if one of those things is the extent of human cruelty. There are also some interactions that teach us the extent of kindness. The cruelty makes you appreciate the kindness, just like the kindness makes you understand just how cruel someone has to be to say and do certain things. They provide balance and meaning to our lives and the people and things in them. In this age of AI, and what feels like an abundance of human cruelty, I want to make a strong effort to interact with others. I want to utilize my biggest human strength: connection, and learn and grow in that connection. I cannot directly change the world, but I can change myself and my perspective and the contributions I make to it. The more I learn from all the connections, good and bad, the more I can grow and contribute to the good I want to see in the world and in my life. If I’m not utilizing the biggest strength of my own humanity, the part of myself a machine can’t replace, then what the heck am I doing here?

Videogames, Risk, and Growing in Life

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

A video game is a fantastic analogy for life. Anything in life that’s worth doing carries risk, you cannot eliminate it. I play games to relax; when I was younger the uncertainty of how a game was going to turn out intimidated me and stressed me out. I pushed myself to sit through the “long way around” instead of recognizing the resources at my disposal and utilizing them appropriately.

If you’ve seen my YouTube channel you know that I’m a big video gamer. I particularly love RPGs and love the Final Fantasy series; I’ve played a lot of Final Fantasy X (I’ve posted a recent video of the Chocobo Race – <0.0 second time achievement🔗, if you’re interested). When I was a kid, it would take me forever to beat because I’m a completionist, but I also wasn’t good at implementing strategy or going into battles I wasn’t prepared for. My idea of being prepared was being able to completely dominate in that fight with little to no impact on my resources or my character’s health. I’d end the game with full inventory of every item, having used none of them. In short, it was perfectionism to a fault.

As I’ve gotten older I think back to those times: I spent hundreds of hours running my characters through “one-hit” battles playing with one hand while I read a book or ate with the other, and being bored and anxious to switch tasks, doing something that I didn’t necessarily need to do for the sake of reducing risk and resource use. And let’s keep in mind, obviously videogames aren’t real; unless you’re creating professional monetized gaming content, how you play doesn’t affect your real life at all – other than providing entertainment. My approach cost me real time and energy, and I wasn’t utilizing the resources given to me at all, let alone efficiently.

As I’ve gotten older, I recognize the value of diving into risk scenarios in order to gain the benefit instead of spending excess time on preparation. Barry Boehm’s Cost of Change model describes the point at which planning becomes costly. Planning/preparation can cost time, rest, stress, profit etc.. I learned to embrace strategy, assess the scenario and recognize my assets.

Sometimes I realize I’m unprepared, then go back to preparation and try again. Sometimes, the thing I was scared of as a kid happens, and doors become closed to me, or permanent damage is done, but that doesn’t mean that’s the end. There are an infinite number of ways to go through life and to reach your goals. It’s important to note as well that when we avoid risk and using the skills required to navigate it, we lose out on growth.

I’ve grown a lot, as a gamer, a person, and a professional. The patience and persistence that I cultivated in those early years is as strong as ever, but now I combine those skills with strategic approach and a willingness to be uncomfortable and continue grow in all of the roles I take on in life. I look forward to tackling bigger challenges in both the real and virtual worlds.

Book Review: The Elements of Marie Curie by Dava Sobel

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

If you love a book that has everything – joy, sadness, romance, science, determination, illness, health, and human decency – look no further than this book. Sobel paints a stunning picture of the life of Marie Curie and the lives of those she affected. Her work and passion for science echoed outwards to her friends, family, colleagues, and complete strangers. She worked hard to save lives during the war with mobile x-ray units, and supported her daughters in their exploits both in and out of the lab. Her love for her husband and understanding nature propelled her through discoveries that ultimately led us to where we are today in our knowledge of radioactive elements. I cannot think of a better book to sit down and read when I need motivation, a little science, and a lot of belief in the kindness and integrity of others. I cannot ask for a better role model than the woman who helped pave the way for science, and women in science. I hope many more people get to experience reading The Elements of Marie Curie – How the Glow of Radium Lit a Path for Women in Science by Dava Sobel.

An image of the cover of "The Elements of Marie Curie, How the Glow of Radium Lit a Path for Women in Science" Dava Sobel - Author of Longitude & the Glass Universe with those words spread across the book cover featuring a blue background with a radiographic photo of Marie Curie

Puzzles, Solutions, and Determination

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What skill would you like to learn?
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My photography teacher in high school advised me that I should narrow down my interests. My conservatory professor urged me not to take dance or focus on any activities that were outside of my chosen major. Coworkers and friends ask “do you have any hobbies?” and, after listing them, with a whistle and wide eyes say “wow that’s a lot!”. I’ve tried to narrow down the list of topics I’d like to learn and could never seem to drop anything, but I don’t worry about it anymore.

Providing someone the tools to solve their problem is my biggest passion. My main hobby is problem solving.

Every new challenge, hobby and subject are components to solving a puzzle. My hobbies bring me enjoyment because they offer skills or a portfolio of knowledge which increases my ability to support others. There are so many hobbies, it would bore you to read them if listed off. Hands-on hobbies teach me a number of useful skills. Learning new things, regardless of the subject, gives me insight into another person’s life; their pain, joy, passions, and perspectives are more clear when I have a better understanding of the things they do or interact with each day.

I’ll probably never be an expert in many of my sub-hobbies; but I’m positive I’ll be an expert at problem solving. The most beautiful thing about humanity is our ability to adapt. Watching someone solve a problem, or realize there’s an acceptable solution to the things most bothering them, is captivating. It’s even better to watch a team come together, move out of the “what do we do?” panic phase, and bring their vision to life with resolve and focus. A major contributor to this mindset is the experience I had the year that I asked different classmates to help me make the art piece below. Before each class, I sat next to a classmate and we worked on it together. The classmates changed, but the interest and focus never did. Everyone wanted to see it finished and for many it was clear they felt proud to be included. Viewing the resolve and focus on their faces as they worked was magical.

A silver toned scratch-art image which depicts a slightly cloudy day over an 18th century shopping street with multi-story shops lining the streets. Hanging signs stick out from some of the shops and some are lined with large multi-paneled glass windows. People in 18th century clothing walk along the sides of the street. A horse drawn carriage with an open wooden cart bed drives away from view toward an archway build into a row of buildings which leads to the other side. The art piece has a crease down the middle and is on a white backing within a black wooden frame.

Bringing people out of panic mode, or out of a state of apathy, and watching their expressions carry hope, pride, and determination fills my heart with joy and fulfills me in ways none of my hobbies alone could ever do. I want to learn as many things as possible in my life, but the art of bringing people together through a solution- through a shared goal – is a skill I want to master. To me, there’s no better skill to have; and learning about as much of the world as I can is one way to develop it.

Comfort Facilitates Productivity

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?
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Discomfort is necessary in order for people to grow and learn; comfort is necessary for healing, and for the longevity required to put that growth to use and encourage more in the future. Sometimes comfort aids productivity and practicality; it’s a great way to reduce the effects of PTSD when everything else around you feels very uncomfortable. My biggest strategies for comfort are integrated into my day-to-day in a way that makes room for the discomfort necessary for growth.

I’d like to focus on what I do on work days, or “productive days” (for when I have planed tasks but no paid work hours). Sources of discomfort that negatively affect my productivity – as someone with chronic physical illness, PTSD, and ADHD – should be quickly dealt with so that I can bring my best self to the proverbial table. I’ve got an arsenal of strategies at hand that will hopefully help some readers with similar problems:

  • Staying hydrated:
    • Filling up multiple, or one large, water bottle(s) first thing in the morning helps conserve dopamine during the day and ensures you’re drinking the best amount of water for your body’s needs.
    • Chew ice. It’s especially nice in a warm environment, or if chewing helps you focus.
  • Gain nourishment:
    • Sometimes cooking is difficult or too time consuming. Eat single ingredients right out of the package, or bulk meal prep on a solid day off and freeze your favorites to be eaten on a rotating basis all month (or longer).
    • If food helps you focus, keep dopamine inducing snacks nearby while you work – like your favorite treat or, my personal favorite, spicy snacks. Nothing helps me focus like a bowl of Fuego Takis, a V8 with Tabasco sauce, chili chocolates, or a spicy jerky stick.
  • Fight fatigue:
    • Whether you’ve got a heart condition, chronic pain, PTSD, ADHD, various forms of narcolepsy, other illness, or you just aren’t able to get as much sleep as your body needs, being able to fight extreme drowsiness is useful when taking a rest isn’t possible. Some of my favorites are also strategies for increasing dopamine to reduce ADHD issues:
      • Spicy foods
      • Scary podcasts/audiobooks (if it doesn’t interfere with your task)
      • Ice cold showers, ice cold foot-baths
      • Self-massage or foot rollers
      • Quick breaks for stretching or calisthenics
      • Wim Hof method breathing
      • Doing a quick walk around the room/up the stairs/around the house/block.
  • Reduce sensory overload or sensitivity:
    • If you tend to itch/hurt/lose focus etc. from certain stimuli or from stress, this is for you. The easiest one: wear something comfortable; how can you focus if the itchy lace from your blouse or your too-tight collar are distracting you?
    • If you’re feeling anxious, try to identify why or if there are things going on making it worse.
      • I like to try changing whether or not music is on or off, the type of music, and the volume.
      • I think about whether my sitting position is giving me pain that I’m consciously ignoring, but I’m sub-consciously being distracted by.
        • Add pillows, sit on the floor, change locations, take a pain-reliever, make sure your physical needs are being met (did you have water? food? sleep?).
      • Maybe you deal with itchy scalp or dry skin, or allergy itch;
        • See if applying a gentle moisturizer/oil, taking a cool shower, wiping with a cool cloth, applying ice, or brushing your hair and pulling/pinning it back help.
        • Wipe out your ears, wash your face, or brush your teeth (or chew something minty) to feel a bit more refreshed.
  • Adjust your momentum flow:
    • Sometimes, the greatest tool at our disposal is our own inner momentum. I keep my daily momentum by adjusting my schedule to suit my brain.
      • You’ll have to find your own schedule but here’s one of my options depending on the day/my needs: I wake up early enough to get showered/eat breakfast/feel awake, partly because this gives me time before work to complete an errand. I don’t clean on the weekends, I use the early morning time to start with a cleaning task, and spread them out across the weekday mornings.
        • This starts my day with high momentum and lets me decrease it slowly throughout the day. I spend the rest of the day completing work or self-improvement tasks, then I can wind down into personal time and resting. This means I don’t have to deal with the difficulty of transitioning from a high momentum task (like showering, which uses a lot of spoons for me), to a lower momentum, then back to a high momentum like cleaning.
  • Increase your confidence:
    • A high level of confidence can greatly improve your comfort and willingness to try something new, meet new people, speak publicly, or tackle a difficult task. One of the ways I improved my own confidence was to build a wardrobe that made me more comfortable and confident.
      • Find out what clothes you feel more confident in, and then identify what’s stopping you from wearing them. For example, I love skirts, but I hate the limitations in sitting and movement if I want to meet the level of modesty and professionalism I personally prefer to have, and dislike not having pockets. Instead of just not wearing them, I wear tennis/bike shorts with large pockets underneath.

Ultimately, what works for one person may not work for everyone. In fact, what works for me, might have the opposite effect for you. My hope is that this list sparks your own ideas and helps guide others to incorporating the type of comfort into your life that helps you be the best you can be. Good luck!

Guide and Grow

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What are you passionate about?
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I have many passions in life: hobbies I love, people I care about, and mindsets I try to maintain. All of those passions boil down to one thing: growth. In every situation and interaction there are opportunities to grow. I’m passionate about mine and other’s growth.

Each day, I think about what I did that I’m proud of, and what I could have improved; if I can manage to do better going forward, I’ll feel accomplished. The thermometer for success in my own life has always been growth. If life ceases to be challenging, or provide opportunities for improvement, I’ll know I need to make some changes in order to continue my own growth.

I cannot force others to believe they have room for growth, or make space in their lives for it. I can help facilitate growth when I’m given the opportunity to. When others ask for feedback, I do my best to support their personal level of growth, not an immediate jump to an ideal they may, or may not, be ready for. Even in this task, I’m still growing and learning more gentle and effective approaches for providing guidance.

The prospect of my own or other’s growth, and having the privilege to witness or experience it, is what gets me out of bed. People never stop growing, and the prospect of that is truly something to look forward to.

Real Not Ideal

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What is the legacy you want to leave behind?
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In previous posts I’ve talked a little about not needing to be likable; I’ll be the villain in someone’s story at some point. While it sounds nice to say “I’d like my legacy to be that everyone thinks of me as respectful, compassionate, and someone who acts with integrity,” I don’t think it’s realistic.

My legacy should be impactful. When I’m gone, I’d like my loved ones to stop and think before acting – to consider the quality of their actions. I’d like to be one reason others reach for respect, compassion, and integrity in everything they do, but no one is perfect and I don’t expect my legacy to be a constant ideal. If I can cause others to more frequently consider respect, compassion, and integrity I would consider my legacy a success.

Follow The Leader

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Are you a leader or a follower?
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I don’t believe there are any times when I’m only a leader or a follower. I’ve led leadership training sessions, guided less-senior classmates and coworkers, and set examples for friends and family in situations they were less familiar with. In the same way, those people have all led, guided, and set examples for me in situations I’m less familiar with, or in ways I didn’t have as strong of a perspective on.

Leadership, to me, is not about control or ordering others to do things; it’s about helping to guide people with a shared vision in reaching their goals, and setting an example that others may choose to follow, if they like the perceived outcome. Leadership is about providing a possible road for others to travel down, and showing them what walking down it looks like. Sometimes, I am the one leading the journey, and sometimes I step back to allow others to show me a better way.

“Likable”

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment

I saw a portion of a speech by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (3:45) in which she mentions not worrying about likability, and I was inspired. I’ve found this to be more true than ever in my professional life as well as my personal life – especially as a woman. “Likeable” is a word that we can use to describe so many kinds of people.

“Likeable” is a word that can be used to describe a manager who uses their authority to prey on a subordinate they view as attractive, to get what they want from that person with little threat of recourse, because they hold the power and others’ opinions of their likability. “Likable” is a mask used to make someone seem kind and friendly, when behind their mask they work to manipulate the situation, to stamp out anyone and anything that may paint them in a bad light or surpass them. “Likable” is a term to describe a pedophile, who is so beloved and trusted by friends, family, and neighbors that ever-cautious, diligent, protective parents will allow their most precious people – their children – close to that person. Meanwhile, that person spreads a stain across their child’s life, hidden behind their “likable” nature.

Likeable can be many things; used to describe deeply cruel and unethical people just as much as it can be used to describe kind and ethical people. “Likeable” is the teacher who buys hygiene products, food and clothes for students in need. “Likeable” can be the manager who takes an interest in each team member’s hobbies and personal goals. “Likeable” can be used to describe a lawyer who takes a case at a discount or pro-bono to help protect those who have been harmed by other, less-kind, “likable” individuals.

Some individuals are “likable” because they give all of themselves, without boundaries or limitations, to everyone who needs them-until they whither away to nothing inside and out. “Likeable” can be a person who says yes to everyone; never making anyone feel unwanted, unnoticed, or “too much”, but when asked to choose a side to stand up for others they will say “Not me. I’m staying out of it.”

I don’t want to be “likable”. I want to be the person that good and ethical people come to for advice because they know I am also good and ethical. I want to be hard working. I want to stand up for what is right; to not be afraid to go to battle to protect others or to prevent others from experiencing harms which were done to me. I do not want to be “likable”, I want to be the person bad people hate. I want unethical people to view me as the villain in their lives. I want those who bully, and manipulate others in order to meet their goals, to dislike that I will hold them accountable for their actions.

“Likeable” is a descriptive word for someone’s opinion of you gleaned from how much they can gain or lose based on your existence. It is not a descriptive word for moral code, or how trustworthy someone is. It is a mask that hides cruel and spiteful humans who require likability in order to avoid accountability. If I am likable to someone, just as equally I should be unlikable to someone else. If I base my worth and success on whether I am likable, I may lose the substance of character that makes me strong, ethical, compassionate, and dependable. I don’t want to be “likable”. I want to be respected.

Half-Chance Choices

~ Olivia Hill ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What gives you direction in life?
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The choices we make tend to build out the direction we live our lives in. The thing that gives my life the most direction is what factors I take into account when I make choices. Is it kind/compassionate? Am I doing the right thing? Will this put me or my loved ones at risk, or harm anyone? Is this choice necessary in order to meet my goals? Will this choice make me happy, or support long-term happiness? I feel if I make choices based on the things that are most important to me, I’ll end up in the direction I want to be, or that fits me the best.

I feel a lot of people’s choices are half chance, because we don’t get a choice in many of the factors that make up our experiences. We can help offset that by being mindful and deliberate about the choices we make, and I try to do that as much as possible. Of course, sometimes I also just flip a coin!